the Life and Times of Warrior Woman

blonde recluse. nihilarian pronk.

Archive for June 2012

i wanted to write about grief, but words just don’t come.

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I was looking through old text messages on my phone, deleting the unnecessary ones.  A simple one from my cousin triggered a wave of grief.  Feels like it’s been written a long time ago, but it’s probably no more than a month or a month and a half.  It was a short question about how my grandmother was feeling that day.

Today is the 22nd day since my grandmother died.  I’ve started reading Psalms for her yesterday, one kathisma a day.  Psalms are difficult for me, even the ones that I try to include in my daily prayer rule.  I am very afraid I won’t be able to keep up, but with God’s help I’ll try.

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Written by Alexandra

21 June 2012 at 7:31 am

On Unhealthy Religiosity

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This is something that I believe I have a bit of a struggle with, but maybe in a lesser, lower sense. The question I’ve been pondering lately, and the one I will eventually return to on this blog, is how to balance the religious person and the secular person. I believe this is something that all laymen struggle with. My struggle led me away from Christ twice, and I don’t want to repeat this again. So balance is essential.

Milk & Honey

By: Elder Porphyry the Kapsokalivite

A Christian should avoid unhealthy religiosity: both the feeling of superiority due to virtue, and the feeling of inferiority due to sinfulness. One thing is it to have a complex and another, humility; one thing depression and another, repentance.

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Written by Alexandra

21 June 2012 at 7:21 am

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poem: the naming of cats.

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I’m not big on poetry, but I’m an avid cat lady (there are seven of them in this household), so this particular poem by T.S. Eliot struck a chord.

The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn’t just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I’m as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there’s the name that the family use daily,
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey–
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter–
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that’s particular,
A name that’s peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum-
Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there’s still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover–
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name.

Written by Alexandra

18 June 2012 at 2:23 pm

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apostles’ fast.

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I have been trying to write a few words on fasting, but something has been stopping me, and today I finally understood exactly what.

I fast.  As in, I currently do not consume meat, eggs, dairy.  I moderately consume fish (none on Wednesdays and Fridays), and I try to keep away from tasty guilty-pleasure “fast-approved” things (though I mostly fail at the latter).

All of this, however, doesn’t stop me from being quite gluttonous.  I eat a lot.  Even now, as I’m writing this, I have a rather heavy feeling in my stomach, even though I haven’t consumed anything that’s outside of the rules, and have even eaten rather ‘healthily’.  Yet gluttony and fast can hardly go hand in hand.

It’s hard to write about the aspects and necessity of fasting when one has wolfed down a full course meal and two cups of tea — all the while forgetting to pray before doing it.

Today is Saturday, which usually allows for some indulgence.  Tomorrow, though, as I am going to skip service (due to circumstances and, of course, my sloth, I often do this), I will do my best to keep a proper fast.  So that I shall not feel guilty writing about it.

Written by Alexandra

16 June 2012 at 8:18 pm

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i haven’t started a new blog in a while.

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It’s an odd feeling, to lose continuity in some way.  It’s also an odd feeling to start a new blog amidst such turbulence in my life.  I used to find solace in writing.  It was also a form of expression, of letting go.  These days, it’s very hard to do.

But I will try.

I’ve always wanted a blog that would encompass my many interests, but I could never really keep one up-to-date.  I realise now that it was mostly because a) my interests weren’t very interesting for me; b) my interests were interesting for me, but I never felt adequate enough to write about them; c) my interests mostly had the tendency to expand to theory only, and since this theory I picked up from other, more informative sites, there was no use to butchering and simplifying the information found elsewhere.

My situation shifted greatly.  I still have interests that sometimes pop up from the background of my mind and buzz a little.  But overall, my main interest (goal, point in life, calling, occupation, obedience) is my family.  I have no children, and I am not married or partnered, so when I say family, I mean: my mother, my brother, my father, my seven cats, my cousin.  It pains me to say that today is the 15th day from the date when I could no longer add my darling grandmother to this list.  She died 31 May 2012.  To say that I (we all) mourn is to say very little.

So this blog is about this.  Obviously I might stray away from topics of housekeeping (but not far — I’m a homemaker, unemployed), but I say 75% of content will be about striving to lead a simple life in turbulent times.

Also, God.  He is Great.

Maybe at times this blog will be mostly about God, to think of it.  Only, if there is a subject I feel inadequate to eloquently write about, then it is the subject of our Saviour.

Written by Alexandra

14 June 2012 at 5:51 pm

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