the Life and Times of Warrior Woman

blonde recluse. nihilarian pronk.

admitting to inadequacy.

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Lately I feel the need to read Proverbs.  I am ashamed to say that I’ve only ever read the first chapter, and chapter thirty-one — who hasn’t?

My circumstances are a bit complicated right now, so I haven’t had the chance to truly concentrate on reading — which is why I’m forever stuck on ch. 1.  But ch. 31 keeps me thinking lately.

I wonder, is it okay to feel inadequate after reading it?  Do you ladies out there ever feel inadequate?  Because what I feel is an odd feeling of inspiration, mixed with shame.  I’m not very good at keeping our flat in order.  Right now I have a legitimate excuse, as most of my time I spend with my mother at hospital.  But what about those days when mother and I were both at home?  Was our dwellings more orderly then, or am I just fooling myself?  Can I use the need to care for someone as some sort of an excuse for a disordered home?  Dirty floors and a pile of dishes?  Two baskets of dirty laundry, and about as much of things that need to be ironed?

But what about this:

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

Pride is probably my biggest sin, oddly combined with sloth, which leads to a lot of self-flagellation, but very little progress and development.  I’d like to say that I am getting better at keeping these two sins o’ mine in check, but that would be adding a third one — lying.

If you asked me a year ago whether I wanted to become a good housekeeper, I’d probably laugh in your face for a while.  Sure, I’d like to be a better cook (a great cook, my cooking is, with God’s help, okay), and it’s nice to entertain.  But all this laundry, floors, mending..?  Nah, thanks.

These days, as far as personal goals go, becoming a good (a decent) housekeeper is somewhere close to the very top of the list.  And I’m drastically failing at this.  Can’t even remember to water flowers!

So I guess we shall postpone the discussion of buying fields and raising grapes for a bit…  At least until I get the laundry under control.

I do have an excuse for laundry, though, — the water’s been out for three days!

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Written by Alexandra

17 July 2012 at 9:37 pm

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