the Life and Times of Warrior Woman

blonde recluse. nihilarian pronk.

i quit the brew of gods.

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Later on I will talk at large about my gallbladder (because everyone wants to know about it, I’m sure), but right now I’m just going to mention it in the subject of coffee, weight, goals, and being very particular about our requests to God, Universe, or self.

See, for years now I’ve been trying to quit coffee.  If you search through the archives of my old blog (or through this blog’s archives once I’m done manually importing each entry), the subject pops up with admirable regularity.  And I’d manage to quit coffee, of course.  But then I’d relapse like nobody’s business, and end up doubling the dose.  When I first wanted to quit coffee, I was drinking 3-5 cups (cups) a day.  When I announced my last attempt, it was 4-5 mugs a day.  And when I actually had to stop drinking coffee lest I want to live without severe pain, I was having 5-6 mugs a day, with double, and sometimes triple, dose the coffee I’d usually put.

So.

I got what I wished for.  I quit coffee.  Gallbladder stones and coffee (decaf, instant, weaker than tea – it doesn’t matter) absolutely don’t get along.  I had to go cold turkey – and let me tell you, I still want to shoot my brother in the buttock when I make him a cup.

Now for weight.  I’ve wanted to lose weight ever since I fell into depression over a very silly, but back then very unrequited and very painful, love, and, surely to entertain myself, started eating four slices of bread covered in a thick layer of mayo as a snack.  Three times a day.

I went from 54 kg to 110 in a rather short amount of time.

I’d always make this decision to start losing weight.  I’d lose some.  Then something would happen, and I’d gain it back.

Then I’d lost 15 kg when I first found out about my mother’s diagnosis and eventually lost my grandmother.  Then I gained 7 of it back, because after third surgery mum would do a lot of cooking.  And she’d always been an amazing cook, but during the last months of her life it was something else entirely.  It was delicious, and with the grace of God I hope to one day be able to recreate some of the dishes she’d just throw together on the go.  Unfortunately, there are no written notes for all but two.

Then, when I lost mum, I started losing weight again.

Then, a week ago I had yet another spell of the gallbladder shabang.

Since that fateful day I’ve lost approximately 4 kilogrammes.

And I will lose more, because when the illness escalates, I have to hold a very strict diet.  (I have to hold a very strict diet for the rest of my life, but after these bouts it’s even stricter for about two weeks.)  I cannot starve, because this will make the disease worse, but there’s only a very select number of things I can eat, and I can’t eat large portions, rather, small portions every 2-3 hours of the awake time.

So I will lose more weight.

And I am not drinking coffee.

So I got what I was asking for, but the way is a bit backwards, because I guess I couldn’t do it otherwise.

What I’m trying to say, it’s best to do things in life without the divine kick in the butt, because the divine kicks intensely.

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Written by Alexandra

29 December 2012 at 9:05 pm

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