the Life and Times of Warrior Woman

blonde recluse. nihilarian pronk.

Posts Tagged ‘2012 was a bitch

end year survey.

leave a comment »

I hesitated posting this one even more so than I hesitated posting general month-to-month year review.  But I’ve done this for a couple of years now, writing this little survey.  So I went with it.  It’s not very exciting, so it’s behind the cut.

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Alexandra

5 January 2013 at 1:40 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged with ,

2012, year in review.

with one comment

I hesitated (still am) writing this post, because a) there’s little to be said about 2012; b) all that can be said will probably make me sound like an attention-seeking self-pity-wallowing defeatist.  But, this really was my life in 2012, and if shortened, it can be summed up in just few short statements.

January; a quiet New Year celebration with grandmother and mother, which proved to be the last one for them.

February; mum’s tomography, MRI, first surgery.

March; mum’s diagnosis, second admission to hospital, daily severe pains back home.

April; admission to a private hospital, second very successful surgery, temporary happiness, diagnosis confirmation, grandmother’s illness worsens.

May; post-injection abscess, daily hospital visits, grandmother gets admitted to hospital, has surgery, has second surgery, dies.

June; grandmother’s funeral, mother’s illness progressing.

July; mother’s third surgery, not as successful as first, speech problems, depression.

August; mother keeps going, speech problem escalates, vision begins to deteriorate.

September; mum’s last birthday celebration.

October; rushing to Turkey for treatment, treatment in Turkey.

November; treatment in Turkey, temporary improvement, flight back home, mum dies, mum’s funeral.

December; trying to find ground again, hoping praying begging for 2013 to be kinder.

There were other happenings and goings-on, of course; but, as I’m sure you understand, everything else pales and moves to background.

I want to write goals for 2013, because there’s so much I want to do, so much I want to become.  But I’m terrified.  I wrote plans and goals for 2012, you know.  I even got a job, and made a whompingly huge amount of money in a month.

And now I’m here, and the two people I love most are dead, and I’m constantly afraid for the fate for the other two people I love.

But life goes on.  And my mother always pushed me and wanted me to be whatever I want to be, as long as it makes me happy, and as long as I don’t stop, don’t become paralysed by fear of inadequacy or failure.  So I need to do that.  Need to push myself forward and run, not walk, towards my goals.

Before I begin sounding like a cliché motivational speech, I’d better wrap this post.

Written by Alexandra

30 December 2012 at 6:12 pm